According to an article written by Very Well Mind, March 1, 2020, “Domestic Abuse is not about violence, it’s all about control. If you or a loved one is a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233.”
People who abuse someone with lesser power in a relationship are trying to control them. It is so important that a trained professional talk with the victims because they may try to leave and end up getting hurt. Good friends can support them, but the victims need therapy and other services to get out of these situations. Therapists, family, and lawyers can advocate for the victim and help them plan to get to safety.
Many victims keep in contact after they leave the abusive situation. This is tricky, sometimes the abuser convinces them to come back to them. This is where many victims are killed. Unless the abuser is in a program to help them, they often repeat familiar patterns. This leads to the same arguments and problems. Both parties need to have help.
Many times, victims are afraid to leave because the abuser will follow them. They are embarrassed and ashamed that it has gotten to this level. Abusers promise to change but unless they are in an accountability group or legally held accountable, it is often just words. Victims want to believe that their partners just lost their tempers.
Victims blame themselves for the arguments which lead to violence. The truth is you cannot make anyone hit or harm you. Adults are responsible for their violence done to others. Violence does not always have to be physical, either. Not allowing another person access to money, resources, or friends is controlling. Emotional abuse could be beating a victim down with words so they think they cannot survive without the other person. This is just not true.
There is help and no one needs to be in a harmful situation where your self-esteem or body is injured in any way. These patterns are often repeated generationally because that is what is modeled for the children. They grow up thinking that is the way to have a relationship, after all, it is all they know.